I think scott just propositioned me for sex
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sorry my hands just texted you
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
