he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
