when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
