i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Randomize
