dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
