I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
