somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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