I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
