I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
