it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
