At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
