I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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