She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
