I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
