Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
