He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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