don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
