Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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