Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
only if we run a train.
done.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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