So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
