We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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