I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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