Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
