My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
