i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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