Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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