Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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