I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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