Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
