got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Two words: nipple clamps
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