You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am in a vortex of obligation.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
