No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize