I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
