organizing the empties. That sober.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
