; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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