But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
