His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
