fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
