my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She said her name was "party"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
When are your genitals available?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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