Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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