Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
