I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
