I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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