there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
