There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
