What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My ATM looks so different sober.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
