he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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