So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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