She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
