Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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