Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
