The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
