he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
