epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
