So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
