dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
