He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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