Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
